Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all! This year, I got almost no presents and I couldn't be happier about it.

Let me explain. I'm a mild hoarder in recovery, from a family that tends to hoard all kinds of things. One of the main reasons that people hoard is because they didn't feel like they got enough love, affection, or attention when they were very young, and this is what caused their void. Since presents, and therefore any physical thing, that enters their hands is a sign of love or respect, and attention, from someone they find it almost impossible to let go of these things that are basically giving them scraps of the love they craved as children.

The only thing is, things can't love you. Keeping every card, every gift, every hand me down for the rest of your life and clinging to them won't make you feel loved. Using these things to remind you of these lovely moments where you felt cared for is natural, but counterproductive. Managing the growing piles of stuff you are hoarding, falling behind on the housekeeping, the impending squalor, the shame, the guilt, the frustration, the overwhelmed feeling, and the anger and isolation that come from hoarding and collecting things is not what the person who got you the gift wanted you to feel.

This year, when people asked me what I wanted, I said either a donation to my favorite charity, or time and affection. I'm going to have an hour long conversation with my Mom, probably one of a similar length with my Dad and my little brother, I saw a movie from Netflix (my way of seeing the movies I want without getting more clutter- I love it!) with a close friend and I am going to be baking cookies with another friend. I haven't gotten any presents for anyone that would contribute to their clutter, and instead have been doing more services and spending quality loving time with them- washing an older relatives windows, doing the mending with a busy mother while we chit chat, listening to a friend's problem. I've also given little, thoughtful token gifts but haven't felt the need to spend large amounts of money, and everyone has been very pleased with what they've gotten.

I have to say this is one of the least stressful and most pleasant Christmas holidays I have ever had. I don't have to worry about where I will put anything new, I haven't had to worry about if someone will feel loved or if my gift will be good enough. And best of all, there has been no guilt about not liking something that someone gave me.

I have told people that I am at a stage in my life where I am getting rid of things, and not interested in getting things. I want them to show me they love me with time, affection, and real love, not with substitutes. I've gotten that in spades and I feel deeply cared for and happy.

That feeling I can take with me anywhere, and I have no need of things to remind me, or to hoard things so I don't loose it.

I wish you the same thing, the same joy, for your Christmas.

Happy Holidays!

Does EFT work?

When I first learned about EFT I thought it was the goofiest thing I had ever seen. For one thing, I thought affirmations were stupid (my actual language is a bit coarser about the subject of affirmations), and I was supposed to say these weird, scripted affirmations when tapping my body all over, including lifting my arm and poking my armpit?

You have GOT to be kidding me!

EFT is free to try, though, and I am the type of person that will try anything and everything at least once. I figured the only thing I had to loose was 15 minutes.

The first issue I tapped on was physical pain from having a minor surgery. I hated the way the pain medication made me feel. I tapped on it, and the pain faded within one round to almost nothing. I started experimenting like crazy, to find out what else it might work on. I've spent the last year trying to test EFT to failure and each and every time, I find some way that it works to solve my problem.

I come from a family of compulsive hoarders and clutter bugs. I understand the deep empty feeling, the void within that makes someone try to fill it with things. EFT is the only thing I have ever seen that will close the void. No willpower, no medication, and no struggle is needed. It simply allows the old pain to be healed, so that you feel happy without the things. You start to be able to clean without feeling overwhelmed, angry, unappreciated, and panicked.

Life becomes a joy instead of a struggle.

What makes you do it?

What drives someone to compulsively do anything? Why does someone do something over and over again, even if it makes them miserable and they hate it? Why does someone who genuinely want to change keep doing the things that make them miserable?

Most people with compulsive behavior are trying to fill some sort of hole in their hearts. They feel as if something vital is missing, and this lack creates a tremendous amount of anxiety. Compulsive behaviors are self-soothing behaviors, and what they do is they dull the pain and lessen the anxiety, but only for a short amount of time. There is always a rebound effect, which leaves you feeling just as anxious as you felt before, but now with the guilt and shame of having fallen prey to your addiction yet again, which only increases your pain, which increases your anxiety, which makes you crave your soothing behavior...

Solving a compulsive or addictive behavior is almost impossible unless you address the root issue FIRST. Instead of trying to rip away the only soothing mechanism a person has, it is much more effective, as well as being kinder and easier for you, to solve the problem of WHY you feel anxious in the first place.

When you look at why someone feels the need to hoard, usually you see someone who feels insecure about their place in the world, and someone who, at some point, didn't feel like they would have enough to see them through. They are perfectionists and whenever they fail to meet their own standards, they beat themselves up. No progress is good enough, so no progress happens.

It's time to stop beating yourself up. EFT is simple, easy, and it will help you close the void that pushes you to hoard in the first place.