Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all! This year, I got almost no presents and I couldn't be happier about it.

Let me explain. I'm a mild hoarder in recovery, from a family that tends to hoard all kinds of things. One of the main reasons that people hoard is because they didn't feel like they got enough love, affection, or attention when they were very young, and this is what caused their void. Since presents, and therefore any physical thing, that enters their hands is a sign of love or respect, and attention, from someone they find it almost impossible to let go of these things that are basically giving them scraps of the love they craved as children.

The only thing is, things can't love you. Keeping every card, every gift, every hand me down for the rest of your life and clinging to them won't make you feel loved. Using these things to remind you of these lovely moments where you felt cared for is natural, but counterproductive. Managing the growing piles of stuff you are hoarding, falling behind on the housekeeping, the impending squalor, the shame, the guilt, the frustration, the overwhelmed feeling, and the anger and isolation that come from hoarding and collecting things is not what the person who got you the gift wanted you to feel.

This year, when people asked me what I wanted, I said either a donation to my favorite charity, or time and affection. I'm going to have an hour long conversation with my Mom, probably one of a similar length with my Dad and my little brother, I saw a movie from Netflix (my way of seeing the movies I want without getting more clutter- I love it!) with a close friend and I am going to be baking cookies with another friend. I haven't gotten any presents for anyone that would contribute to their clutter, and instead have been doing more services and spending quality loving time with them- washing an older relatives windows, doing the mending with a busy mother while we chit chat, listening to a friend's problem. I've also given little, thoughtful token gifts but haven't felt the need to spend large amounts of money, and everyone has been very pleased with what they've gotten.

I have to say this is one of the least stressful and most pleasant Christmas holidays I have ever had. I don't have to worry about where I will put anything new, I haven't had to worry about if someone will feel loved or if my gift will be good enough. And best of all, there has been no guilt about not liking something that someone gave me.

I have told people that I am at a stage in my life where I am getting rid of things, and not interested in getting things. I want them to show me they love me with time, affection, and real love, not with substitutes. I've gotten that in spades and I feel deeply cared for and happy.

That feeling I can take with me anywhere, and I have no need of things to remind me, or to hoard things so I don't loose it.

I wish you the same thing, the same joy, for your Christmas.

Happy Holidays!